If Only
by Lady Kayte
Summary: Amelia's thoughts on Arrow's death after she gets back to her stateroom, upon hearing that he's really gone. Delbert comforts. I know it's been done before, yes, but give it a read anyway, would ya? A/D, of course! R&R, thanks! Rated for some language!


A/N: Ok, this idea kind of just came to me while I was watching the movie, and yes, since having thought of it I've seen that it's been don't before, so I swear I'm not trying to offend anyone by writing about this idea! If me writing this and posting it pisses you off, just tell me, and I'll take it down. I don't want anyone mad. With that in mind, I'll stop blabbering, and leave you to do what you guys do best: read and review! Bwahahaa! Thanks, and I hope you enjoy it!  
  
Disclaimer: NOT MINE! Not the characters, not the situation, not the story idea; hell, it's not even my goddamn computer!!! So HA! So just get reading!  
  
"If Only" by Lady Kayte  
  
'If only I hadn't given that damned order so soon,' Captain Amelia though to herself bitterly. 'I shouldn't have ordered an inexperienced child to do something as important as checking lifelines. But I saw him do it perfectly, where did he go wrong? I should have told Arrow to stay down, and let the other men handle untying the sails again.'  
  
Amelia shut and locked her stateroom door behind her and pressed her forehead against the cool wood, desperately fighting back the tears welling up in her eyes. 'Why and I being so damn emotional?!' she thought to herself angrily. 'Amelia, you're not supposed to cry, and you know that! Arrow would kill you if he saw you like this now!'  
  
She swallowed past the lump in her throat and moved to sit at her desk after putting Arrow's hat in her locked chest, next to the trinket box now holding Jim's map to Treasure Planet, but had once held a beautiful emerald pendant necklace she saw on an expedition and absolutely fell in love with. He gave it to her on her 21st birthday. Sighing, she buried her head in her hands.  
She sat there breathing heavily and willing the lump in her throat to go away, for about five minutes, until a knock on her door brought her back from her melancholic thoughts and sharply back to reality. 'What the bloody hell is it now?' she thought. Opening the door, she saw none other than the shy-looking Doctor Doppler smiling at her sheepishly.  
  
"Yes, Doctor, what is it that you need?"  
  
"I- I just thought that maybe you'd... want to, uhm, talk about some things. Of course," he added quickly, "you don't have to, if you don't want.... I'm sorry, it was wrong of me to ask, really, I-" She was looking at him almost evilly for a moment, as if she couldn't believe he'd even dare approach her about something like this. Then all of a sudden she sighed, shoulders sagging, and motioned for him to enter.  
  
"Please, do come in, but I'm afraid it may all be a lost cause. I'm perfectly ok, really."  
  
"I'm so sorry," Delbert said upon sitting down across from her at her desk in a mahogany chair with a plush wine-red velvet fabric padding the seat and the back. She looked up at him, having placed herself in the same position she was in before he knocked.  
  
"Yes, well, Arrow knew all about the dangers of being a spacer, but he did it anyway. There's a feeling of excitement one gets when one becomes a spacer. That's why we do it, I suppose, despite all those risks." She felt that damned lump rising in her throat again, and swallowed against it, blinking a few times, but he saw anyway. He had heard the falter in her voice, and without another word was kneeling in front of her chair.  
  
"With all due respect, Captain, I don't think you're 'perfectly ok' at all. I know how difficult this must be for you, and I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're in right now. Just know this, please. I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to, and I'd be honored if you chose me to be the one who listens to you." He looked up at her, smiling his big smile, and she finally began to let herself give in to the emotions she had been fighting off all night long.  
  
"He was my-" she choked, "my best friend. He never left my side, even when it- it almost cost him- his- his entire-career," she sobbed, finally breaking down and flinging herself into his arms, burying her head into his shoulder. He looked surprised for a moment; he didn't think she'd just let everything go at once like that, nor did he ever imagine that she'd just fall into his arms whilst he was kneeling in front of her on the floor.  
  
Hesitantly, he put his arms around her gently and whispered into her ear, "Shhh, it's going to be alright, you'll see."  
  
She mumbled something into his shoulder that he didn't quite understand as a response, which forced him to, in his eyes, break the moment by saying, "Sorry, didn't quite catch that one."  
  
"I can't do this without him!" She wailed.  
  
They sat there like that for a few minutes longer, the Captain sobbing uncontrollably into the Doctor's shoulder while he comforted her quietly in his embrace. She was still crying when she stood a few minutes later, still holding tight to her, and cleared his throat.  
  
"Well," he stuttered. "I- uhm- well, I mean to say, I'm rather tired, and you must be, too, and I'd hate to keep you awake so late. I should be going." He was moving slowly toward the door when she reached out for his arm, her eyes red and her cheeks tearstained.  
  
"No, Doctor, please. Don't feel uncomfortable. I just need someone here tonight. It's just, I-" She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a fresh wave of tears hitting her.  
  
"Captain, if you need me to stay, of course I will. I'll stay as long as you want me to," he said, moving back across the room in two steps and hugging her comfortingly again.  
Her hands were pressed up tightly against his chest and she was shaking in his arms with unshed tears, trying desperately to contain herself again, but failing horribly at it.  
He led her back to her high-backed chair and sat, pulling her down into his lap. She began to whimper again, and he tightened his grip around her protectively.  
  
"You know," he whispered, tilting her chin up so she looked into his eyes. "It's ok to cry over him. You lost an important part of your life tonight, and you should be saddened by it." Her lip quivered, and for the second time that night she began to sob quietly over the loss of her dearest and closest friend.  
  
And together they sat, until her sobs turned to whimpers and sharp, ragged breaths, and then until her breathing finally became slow, deep and even, and he was able to slowly stand without disturbing her, moving toward her bedroom. Carefully balancing her in one arm he turned down her bedcovers with the other, and finally was able to lay her down gently and slowly pull off her long black boots.  
Smiling, he pulled the sheets up to her shoulders, and after a moment's hesitation, kissed her forehead gently. He then turned to leave, but before he did he picked up a piece of paper and a pen and began to write:  
  
To the dear Captain Amelia,  
  
Please know that if you ever need to talk about anything, I will  
always be willing to listen; I will always be here. I had a  
lovely evening talking with you, and hope we are able to do it  
again soon, but under lighter conditions. I was honored that  
you felt trusting of me enough to have chosen to share with me  
what you were feeling last night, and I hope you are feeling  
well rested after our encounter.  
  
Fondly, Delbert  
  
Turning and grinning affectionately back at her one last time, he slowly slipped from her room and retreated to his own bunk for the remainder of the night.  
  
Amelia awoke early the next morning, and wondered for a moment why she was still wearing her uniform, but the memories of the night before, both good and bad, began to dawn on her.  
She quickly showered and dressed in a clean uniform, all the while thinking about the closeness she shared with the Doctor the night before, and how kind and loving he was toward her. She wondered, while she dressed, why it all brought such a big smile to her face.  
As Amelia prepared to leave her stateroom and begin the first of many hard mornings without Arrow by her side, she spotted a short note penned in the loopy and slightly messy writing of a one Doctor Delbert Doppler. She began to read with a growing interest, along with a growing smile, and rather than leaving it on her desk or throwing it away when she was done, she quickly folded and pocketed it.  
Taking a deep breath, she opened her door and stepped out onto the lightening deck, knowing that even though her life was changed forevermore, she would not be alone. Little did she know that somewhere farther along, a man stood gazing out into the dark Etherium, thinking the same things as she.  
  
Fin.  
  
I hope you liked it! Again, I know this idea has been written about before, so don't be mad and think that I'm trying to steal your story if you've written about this situation between Delbert and Amelia. (I know I've read a few stories about how she reacts to Arrow's death and how he's there to comfort her. Please let it be known that I think they were all SUPERB and I only hope that this fic may one day live up to the excellency of those fics out there like it.) Ok, enough of me. You know what to do! Thanks, love ya lots!! 


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